A Tolerable Limbo
(4/21)
Not much to wake up for
Not much not to wake up for
I guess that’s why they call it limbo, because it’s
not so bad, not so good, just
tolerable
_________________________________
Wallowing
(4/10)
Wallowing in my wounds
passing the days in a toolshed
dis-empowering myself
Sometimes it’s better to
wallow and pass time
than to step into an arena
with a lion waiting
_____________________
Non-Enlightenment Poem
(4/11)
In the Zen tradition
it is traditional to write a poem upon realizing enlightenment
I can’t claim that, but
after getting drunk and dancing for 2 hours
a lot of energy has moved
_____________________
Grand Entrance
(4/10-11 midnight)
Let me make my grand entrance,
dancing
into the room where the music’s playing
Hey, where is this poem going, anyway
wherever it wants to
as i was saying
Grand Entrance
Dancing
into the room with the candle burning and the incense lit
the room without fear, without restriction
where people are dancing wildly and
loving madly
and no one says, what if
What if the wine is good, the women beautiful,
the music stimulating, the night warm,
the hearts on fire
What if that were a typical night, a tantric life,
all over the world
a life without fear
a conscious, embodied life
filled with the omnipresent Presence
filled with beauty and freedom
filled with truly useful effort that really
benefited someone, somewhere
What if you were in that room
and you, and you
and all the souls trapped in their wounds, ego,
bitterness and despair
What if
Let us make our grand entrance, dancing
Drink in hand, lover on arm, music playing
Heaven Eternal
Amin
________________________________________
Dancing in the Wreckage
(4/15)
This house is falling apart
Houses do that after years and years without maintenance
The swimming pool is a mosquito farm
Dark, brackish water filled with muck
The neighbors moved out a long time ago
no work, no money, no fun
Squirrels, birds, bugs, raccoons, feral cats
These are the neighbors now
Here and there a human being
recluses, hermits, ascetics, fuckups
Smoke of incense, tobacco and marijuana
and me
dancing to an old song
played on an old boombox
with old batteries
loud, drinking cheap wine
working on tomorrow’s headache,
and yet, somehow, in all this wreckage
physical wreckage, human wreckage
wreckage of a society that has lost its’ magic
you can feel a presence, the Presence
omnipresent, always, everywhere
you can feel it because it’s quiet here
the wind blows
the trees rustle
the sun shines
tonight there will be moonlight
No one is trying to get anywhere
there is nowhere to go
we’ve all tried and failed and realized that
it’s quiet here
you can feel
Presence
and that’s a good reason to
dance
______________________________________________
What is and What is not
(written 4/16)
Sometimes you just have to admit, especially to yourself
What is, and what is not, and move on
She loves you, she loves you not
You did a great job, you fucked up
You can eat, drink, stay up late,
do whatever you want
You have to be really careful, watch every morsel,
get to bed by 10
at least if you want to survive
So much of the suffering is in
the thoughts and feelings about what is happening
the resistance, the struggle within
against what is, and what is not
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again
Thinking the same thoughts over and over again
Doing nothing to learn and grow, yet
expecting a different result
What is, and what is not
Certainly the laws of gravity will not change, but
what is and what is not
may take on the deeper meaning of
how you feel about and react to
what is and what is not, and maybe even
what is and what is not possible
may change and surprise you
________________________________________
ANGELS
(2/13)
I always knew
there were angels in heaven
i never realized
there were so many angels on earth
you know you are loved
when the chips are down
and they still come round
the heavenly choir is singing loudly
the hearts of the earthly angels
singing louder still
May peace and harmony
pervade all the realms
may your road be smooth
leading always to lands filled with flowers,
sweet waters, and
loving arms to hold you
peace be with you
amin
_______________________________
|
DESPITE APPEARANCES
It’s all about the light The light in your heart, in your body how much light can you allow? Every atom of every cell is glowing brightly a thousand suns in every micron, and it’s all you how much light can you allow yourselfThere is nothing but god, that includes us How much light can you allow yourself to see in the mirror It’s all light, it’s all god how much light can you allow yourself to be |
DESPITE APPEARANCES
It’s all about the light
The light in your heart, in your body
how much light can you allow?
Every atom of every cell is glowing brightly
a thousand suns in every micron, and
it’s all you
how much light can you allow yourself
There is nothing but god, that includes us
How much light can you allow yourself to see in the mirror
It’s all light, it’s all god
under the masks and fogs of the world
how much light can you allow yourself to see
in everyone, not just the “good” people
how much light can you allow yourself to see
knowing that your whole accustomed way of relating to the world
must fall by the wayside, and
you have no idea what will replace it, and
you’re afraid of being a babe among wolves
how much light can you allow yourself to be
is that even a valid question, because
you are light
all is light
despite appearances
________________________________
The world looks like a shithole in the making, like it’s ending
Disasters lurk around every corner
every speck of dust from under every rug, is
floating in the air, making us cough
and yetwhen i relax, release my fears and anger for a moment
Stop thinking long enough to see clearly, for a moment
I see the eternal infinite winking at me, saying
it’s all a game, a scary movie
don’t take it so seriously that
you don’t have any fun
reminding me that
though i speak with the tongues of men and angels,
have the deepest insights and understanding of the situation
the snarkiest comments on Facebook, 100,000 likes, still
if i have not love in my heart
even for the fucking swine who are destroying everything i hold dear
my words are as sounding brass
without love
what’s the point
written 2/22, Big Sur Lodge at night
i was camping and wanted to go inside for a while
—–
sometimes when i hear certain pieces of music
see a certain sky, smell a certain scent
tomorrow disappears
yesterday, indeed everything other than now
disappears
i don’t remember if i’m old, young, middle aged, rich, poor
it all disappears
in the feeling of eternity
Today or a thousand years ago
Today is a thousand years ago
a thousand years from now
A thousand years ago
mountain lion and grizzly bear roamed this coast
now ruled by cars and telephone lines
as the night gets deeper, and the mood comes over me
all hope in the future vanishes, because there is no future
only now as i sit here writing these words on paper
7 billion lives unfold
countless critters, bugs, plants, amoebas
on this and other planets
throughout time and space
an old song is playing
a song from the youth of people now aged 70
countless songs of countless singers of
countless places of countless times
all floating around in the ether, the psychic energy field
we hear them with an inner ear
Today is a snapshot, a frame in an eternal movie
flashing by so briefly when the movie is rolling
lasting for all eternity in
freeze frame
_______________________________________
2/22, Big Sur
getting drunk and having sex, and
when the drink wore off, drink more
when the sex wore off, have more but
now
our desires have gotten so much more complicated
just getting drunk and having sex
a cold drink and a warm body
are not quite enough anymore
Now our minds wonder
what did we do with our lives?
what should we have done with our lives?
what should we do with our lives?
even though, for the most part
all that thinking is just mental masturbation
still, most of the time, it’s not enough to just
get drunk and have sex
even though
our lives will probably not change overnight
the world will probably not change overnight
and maybe we’d be better off, if we could just
get drunk and have sex
it’s not that we don’t want to
it’s just not quite enough anymore
__________________________
IN THE REALM OF HUNGRY GHOSTS
In the realm of hungry ghosts
bellies the size of beach balls
throats the size of a small straw
never able to get enough
always wanting more
constantly remodeling their houses
buying bigger houses
newer cars
bigger TVs
the latest electronic toys,
cell phones, computers, and all the rest
always in their heads
their only sensations in their bodies
food and sex
otherwise, only pain
reminds them that they have
arms, legs, fingers, toes
and lots of skin
Success is not success
if it takes you away from
your birthright as a living being
to be fully alive in your body
A sociopathic, ecocidal society
where the only value put on the land
is to develop it
with constantly rising prices, where
even those who are not hungry ghosts
have to struggle just to survive
in the realm of hungry ghosts
—————–
here’s an older poem on the same themes
NAKED PAGAN
A naked pagan
dancing with the sky
i am alien in your world
Your houses, factories, TV sets
It is difficult for me to understand
how can you live this way?
but you do
I need trees, grass, sky
rushing rivers and willing consorts
fresh strawberries picked from the ground
You tell me of vaccines, hospitals
guaranteed food supply
heat in the winter
Yes, these are good things
when enjoyed properly
but why give up
the joy of feeling
the sun on your heart
the waves on your flesh
trances
the companionship of spirit
Why do you seem to lack
joy, contentment, fulfillment
serenity, and
integrity
You sell yourself to the highest bidder and
live in fear of not selling yourself
why can you not find a way to have it all?
If this technology is so wonderful
why are so many unhappy
sick at heart
filled with all manner of diseased emotions and
homeless in the streets
I don’t understand
The gifts i offer
you think worthless
I offer the sand, the sea
compassion, and
deep feelings
What you want from me is to be a robot
For that i may earn enough to buy food and pay rent
since you have set a price on every inch of the earth
by what right do you control this land?
I don’t understand
but, after all
I am only
A naked pagan
On Reading Tao Ch’ien
Tonight’s the night, the only night there is, tonight
Tonight is coming as i sit here on the porch at 4pm, sky grey, a winter’s day
still some blue on the lowest edge of the sky above the mountain
Tonight is a good night for drinking wine and eating bean soup and reading a book of 1600 year old poems by Tao Ch’ien
Poems which read as alive as if written yesterday
Such is the human experience
Tonight, i am hungry. This poem is finished
1827
If a tree falls in the forest and
there’s no one there
If a day passes and
nothing happens
If you’re born and die and
it’s no big deal to anyone but you
Sitting at your kitchen table
eating your cornflakes and milk
when you’re 10 years old
Sitting at your kitchen table
Eating your toast and tea
when you’re 70 years old
Are you content with your life or
on your deathbed will your last thought be
coulda, woulda, shoulda
And all your dreams
Are in the ethers now
With all the other dreams
The dreams of a black man born into slavery
in Mississipi in 1760
Dying in a cabin at the back of the plantation in 1827
Who never got more than 10 miles from where he was born and
was luckier to do that than to be sold down the river
The dreams of a white man born in Chicago 1930
Who got married at 23, had 3 children, and
Died of cancer at 43
Leaving his wife with mixed feelings
Because she was so stifled in her dreams of
being an actress
All the dreams in the ethers
Angels hold them and cherish them
Nourish them and water them
Then plant them anew
Slightly modified to suit the times
Instead of a jazz clarinetist
A hip hop DJ
All the flowers
Born in the spring
Shriveled and died when the rains stopped
Seen only by the bees and
By god,
who sees all, and
Loves all
Amin
ENOUGH
Every time i look out at the mountains, I know that
beyond the mountains lies a vast expanse and
beyond the vast expanse people, towns, cars, houses, and
beyond that are mountains, and oceans, and people, and cities, and
stars like grains of sand on a beach, and
inside every cell of my body
atoms with vast expanses of open space and
light pulsing in waves and
when i dance, and the music makes me move, and i
feel the waves of light from the atoms moving my body and
maybe that’s as close to god as most of us ever get and
maybe that’s enough
So when it’s time to move on and
explore other worlds than this one
put the music on and let me dance into the next world
even if i’m lying in a bed, apparently unable to move
the waves of light inside me, inside all of us, will
dance and dance and dance
GOING TO BED
going to bed, and oh
How many people are lying in their beds right now
Contemplating their dreams, and oh
How many people have lain down to go to bed
Now i lay me down to sleep
Earlier today
Following a dog down a narrow forest trail
I read somewhere that we should stop and take time to smell the flowers
This dog wants to smell every bush
And pee on it
Who is walking who
And how many generations ago was this dog a wolf
And how many generations of human beings have walked with a dog by their side
And how many nights have we lain down to sleep
And awakened in the morning
Almost remembering other worlds
And i heard someone say
There is no time
And all the apparently solid matter
Just whirling patterns of energy
Mostly empty space
Almost unreal
And tonight
I miss you so much and
I don’t even know if we will ever meet again
In this Lifetime
I am going to bed now
And oh
Am i going to sleep
Or waking up
A CANDLE BURNS
A candle burns
is it an oasis of light
in a world of darkness
or is the inner light blindingly clear
if only we could see it
WALKING THE CORRIDORS OF MELANCHOLY
Walking the corridors of melancholy
Feelings have a life of their own
Springing from sources deep in the subconscious
Sources we can only guess at from
the effects that bubble up to the surface
Volcanoes, earthquakes, tidal waves
Moods, a sense of loss
quiet grief for all the suffering
throughout the world, throughout history, throughout time
sitting here
i could be you, and you could be me
the feeling would be the same
the secret sharing
as the sun goes down, or rather
as the the earth turns away for the time of night
a night which will be lit by a full moon
the creatures of the night coming out to play
the creatures of the day taking their turn to rest
and so, the world continues
world without end, amin
for even when the sun goes supernova
and the universe is naught but entropy
and everything falls back into the primal cosmic egg
a new universe will be reborn
and in twenty trillion years
another sentient being will write words
very much like this
and so it continues
aho
JIM MORRISON
All the scattered dreams of yesterday
Are gone
Life is a marathon, not a sprint
A journey into the Great Unknown Mystery of the Future
which will soon be the past
which may again be the future
Shall Dionysus rule, drunken and stoned
cavorting with nymphs for mutual pleasure
or shall Apollo rule
ordered, cold, martial
yet efficient, effective and proud
secure in his achievements
while looking down on the drunks in the gutter
who live in the eternal now
Death comes to us all
When?
Tibetans say “which comes first,
the next breath
or the next life”
Dionysus incarnate as Jim Morrison
The Lizard King
Pisses on our dreams
As he gets fucked up and
Dies young and
Leaves a legacy rarely surpassed
There is a time to reap and
a time to sow and
a time to celebrate and
a time to work
and a time to say
“Fuck it, i ain’t playing this game no more”
BEAM OF LIGHT
(1st Eugene poem)
I tried to pick up the spot on the floor
I didn’t realize that it was a beam of light
The sun
Shining through the window
On to my kitchen floor
One Day (july 5)
One day follows the next
and the next
I look down at my shadow on the ground
One day it will not be there
——
Free Bird (july 6)
Free Bird, have your wings been clipped by
ingesting the fears and limiting beliefs
of frightened and limited people
This can’t happen, that can’t happen, that can’t happen unless _____
No belief in or understanding of higher truths
No belief in miracles
despite the miracles all around us, as us
Free Bird, your wings are not clipped, they only seem to be
Free Bird, spread your wings, and
fly
———-
How would i live (july 12)
if i wasn’t thinking of the future, afraid of the future
how would i live?
I i wasn’t reacting to the past
how would i live?
if my mind wasn’t busy, busy, busy
how would i live?
if i was aware of the infinite eternal
in me, as me
how would i live?
if i wasn’t afraid of surrendering to the experience of the infinite eternal
in me, as me
how would i live?
if i really experienced THAT
would it matter?
FUCKUP, AGAIN
Yeah, you fucked up, again
It would have been better if you hadn’t
done what you did, said what you said,
but you did
again
All you can do is start where you are
again
You can lie there in the dust,
kicking yourself in the head,
again
for having fucked up
again
or you can re-apply yourself
again
to the job of fixing whatever broken parts there are inside yourself
Rebuilding your own engine
Replacing your own dysfunctional gears,
mostly dysfunctional thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, cravings and aversions,
that don’t mesh with health and happiness
Replacing them with healthy, functional parts
Useful, functional thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, equanimity
that work to create health and happiness
All you can do is start where you are
again
every moment of your life
Reading Dharma Bums
Walking down Berkeley streets wearing brown pants and a navy blue t-shirt
clothes which i imagine the beats to have worn
preparing to go camping to Big Sur and Mt. Shasta
then a trip up the coast to Seattle
living that other American Dream
The dream of freedom
oh jack, you came to such a sad end, but
you inspired millions and millions
among them this humble writer
you are one of my spiritual ancestors
thank you
——-
What Can Compare
What can compare with the feeling of
walking around drunk, but
not too drunk
on a nice sunny day
walking into shops
finding open bathrooms
talking with shopkeepers
feeling free but
wishing you had something to lose
Internal Weather
Mental, Emotional, Physical, Spiritual
The forecast early today is for:obsessive, fearful thoughts
often focussing on politics and the Environment
often as a result of reading the news on the Internet
but sometimes more personalresulting in
raging emotional storms
often invisible to others
resulting in
upset stomach, back trouble
headaches, general weakness
and other problems
Later today, expect periods of calm
resulting from practices such as
meditation, qigong, yoga, forgiveness, affirmations
resulting in remission of symptoms
until the next storm breaks out
all the while, the Spirit, the Higher Self
waits for the clouds to part long enough
for the sufferer to realize that
the sun is always shining
the earth just turns away sometimes
we make our own weather
——-
My Heart is a locked box
My heart is a locked box
a box to which only you hold the key
if only i knew who you were
I have never met you, and so
I wait aimlessly
only half believing that you will ever come
——-
Condensed Light
The higher frequencies are hard to handle
the clarity, the energy, the feelings of aliveness
You would think that i would spend as much time as possible in them, but they feel uncomfortable to this
deadened, slogged down, fear filled, shame filled, guilt filled
walking corpse, which needs to squash down any feelings of clarity
which might cause it to feel some very deep,
unpleasant layers of feeling
am i being overdramatic?
or just telling the truth
the real reason that
so many people seem to deaden themselves
by every means possible
anything to not feel
the unbearably painful feelings buried deep within
but
like a moth drawn to a flame
no matter how much we numb ourselves
we are always drawn by the light to rise again
to fly, to soar, to go deeper and deeper
into the kingdom of light which is inevitably pulling all of us
by the force of its’ magnetism, and the fact that
we all are, in the final analysis,
nothing but
condensed light
————-
This Too Shall Pass
Ultimately everything becomes a memory
a photo
a line in a journal
a frozen moment in time
a dimly remembered feeling
The river of time just keeps flowing on and on
today’s dreams
tomorrow’s achievements
the day after tomorrow’s recollections
maybe even a mention in a history book
so here we are i am
it’s so important what happens to me us
it really is
kept in the perspective of
this too shall pass
———————————–
Awakening
Awakening from a long dark dream, a dream
that has lasted lifetimes, a dream
that started when i got so hurt that
i turned bitter, cynical
a dream where everything i saw
by “saw” i mean all the conceptions and
interpretations I held in my mind
of what i “saw” in the “world” in “people” was
filtered through a dark cloud of smoke
of disappointment
especially disappointment in myself, and, by extension
because people are people and i am a person
disappointment in others
a focus on the negative, the selfish, the cruel
who needs newspapers or the evening news
to present their distorted, slanted litany of war, murder and greed
when i was carrying my own filter
which even the Buddha would have trouble being seen through
if he were here in person, rather than some distant ideal
Awakening to find that
there is suffering, and
there is joy, and
i have a choice, and
it takes work, and
anyone can do it
even me
The monk’s addiction
I need to keep on defiling myself
Monday, March 5, 2012
Poems from last year
And, What
Noisy
Two buck chuck (the poem)
Enlightenment can kiss my ass Impermanence
Bar
———————- Limbo
6/14/11
Lying around
on the couch
on the bed
watching videos
reading books
thinking
writing in my journal
eating
shitting
eating more
shitting more
drinking tea
peeing a lot
walking the dog twice a day
Something is happening
inside
not sure what
Been a few days now
still food in the refrigerator, although
the ice cream and beer are gone
Feeling lonely for a woman
unlikely to meet any in the living room
unless i go online, and
that hasn’t worked out so well up to now
so
limbo
halfway between what was and what will be
walking the dog
seems to be what the universe wants me to be doing right now
————————————-
And, what?
7/24/11
And what, after all, is it all for?
Travelling, staying home
working, resting
loving, hating
tiring, fulfilling
The whirlwind of experience
For some the dronage of boring routine
How many years do we get?
60,70,80,90?
if we’re lucky
and what, after all, is it all for?
Some teachings call it illusion
It all feels pretty real to
ME
the big, capital
ME
getting a little tired of that, too
I want to rest my head
on a soft pillow
sleep for a long time,
when i wake up
I want to be cleansed
purified of my mistakes
misguided patterns of thought
destructive negative emotions
harmful actions
and maybe then i’ll be happy
I think of anattapindika, the hindu murderer
who killed 999 people
cut off their fingers, wore them on a garland around his neck
and then, one day, miraculously
had a change of heart, and
became a true saint
filled with love and compassion
for all beings
I’m not that bad, in this life
if he could do it
i can do it
you can do it
too
Amin
—————————————
Noisy
8/14
Out in nature, beautiful day
it’s really noisy out here, because
my mind
won’t
fucking shut up
———————————-
Two Buck Chuck (the poem)
That fancy french wine you used to drink
tonight it’s two buck chuck
Those pricey organic strawberries from Whole Foods
tonight Safeway got your business
not much of it
mostly cigarettes and chips
You used to ride in your beamer
now you ride the bus
not with your ex-girlfriend
who’s moved on to one of your ex-friends
who still has his money
for now
It was all great while it lasted
high times, really high, most of the time
crash, oops
There are a few compensations
That girl last week, who fucked you
just to get close
to the scent of money and success
She was impressed by what you had had
even if you didn’t have it anymore
you have a lot of company
maybe you could get together a band
“the ex-big men”
So, there you sit on the couch
drinking cheap wine
watching a video
eating shitty food
your saving grace, a lack of bitterness
a lack of blame
you have taken responsibility
for your own fuckups
you can still
laugh
especially at yourself
————————————
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
if enlightenment means
no more beer, no more ballgames
no more girlfriends, no more fun
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
If enlightenment means
acting so fucking holy all the time
spouting pious bullshit
wearing the same fucking boring clothes every day
Enlightenment can kiss my ass
and if enlightenment means
that i have to deny my animal self, my human self, my worldly self
well, what’s the fucking point of being here, anyway?
Now, if enlightenment means
a little more self control
more sense of peace
better relationships, maybe even
better sex, well
you’re starting to get my attention
and if enlightenment means
that i see the highest good in everyone
see the light in every being and thing
that i know myself as eternal spirit
that i see the perfection in everything
even suffering and death, well
sign me up
Who the fuck knows what enlightenment is?
Most of the people talking about it don’t know shit
except what they read in some books
or heard from somebody else who didn’t know shit
who had no real experience of what they were talking about
Probably the people who really are enlightened are just enjoying it
and don’t feel the need to bug or preach to everybody else
There are so many ways to run away from our problems
as far as i can tell
most of the people sitting on their zafus or
stretching on their yoga mats
are just running away from their problems
that’s a whole lot better than running away to
drugs, alcohol, sex, tv, but
we’re here for a reason
at a certain point, we have to stop running
re-engage with the world
take whatever we’ve learned on our mats
and just get on with it
Amin
———————————-
Impermanence
The house is being remodelled
there are no walls, no doors, barely a floor
Front yard, back yard, piles of rubble and dust
slowly polluting the earth
Cardboard boxes, paper shopping bags of stuff
sitting on the patio for six months
in sun and rain
plates, knives, forks, cups, spoons, pots, pans
and all the rest of the kitchen
amazingly,not totally ruined
they may sit out there another six months
Workmen come, workmen go
The work stops and starts
when the owner gets a little more cash
to do another piece of the work
it may never get finished, if he loses his job
One piece of calm in this storm
the little hut in the backyard
formerly storage/guest room, now
all that’s left
of this formerly presentable property
Mid life crisis made visible
all the facades of a man’s life
gone
unable to hide anymore what’s really inside
what sick emotions, old wounds, old anger
maybe it’s good to see the truth
not be able to bullshit yourself
and the rest of the world
anymore
or maybe there’s no deep, great significance
just another construction project with unexpected complications
just another snapshot of America
lots of external activity and dust and pollution
not so much inner work
tax laws and bank loans that encourage
all this chasing of the tail, but
it’s not even fun
even a dog, chasing it’s own tail, knows it’s a game
maybe this is all a game
maybe my third eye just isn’t open enough to see it
what bullshit
—————————-
Bar
I was in a bar last night
having coffee with a friend
we couldn’t find a coffee shop
it was a nice bar
friendly bartendresses
I liked the decorations
not having been in a bar for a while
because i haven’t been drinking much
I was amazed at all the tempting
pretty, multi-colored
differently shaped, endless array of bottles
all of which disguised the one key ingredient
al-cohol
with which i have no gripe
still, it was amazing to me, to see, this whole establishment, all based on
people’s desire to loosen up and connect with others
with the help of a little lubrication
a little lubrication that, while it numbs the body
can put one in touch with one’s feelings
which often don’t get felt much
so, my friend and i had a good time
the end
Getting drunk in the morning
just makes so much sense
you fall asleep in the early afternoon
wake up in the late afternoon
take a bath and
still have the evening ahead of you
————————————-
So Fucking Spiritual
I am so fucking spiritual
I meditate, in lotus
read holy books
do yoga
I’m a vegetarian
look down on all the common people
whose lives are filled with fear and resentment
who are doing the best they can
working like dogs
while i look down on them I am so fucking spiritual
Friday, February 24, 2012
Treading Water
February 24th
My birthday a few days away
here i am one more time
actually never stopped my whole life
wrestling with my demons
dark, crusty hands
reaching up from the waters of my unconscious
grabbing me by the ankles
dragging me down
under
I fight and fight and fight
Fought my whole life
made a lot of progress
the dark crusty hands are weaker now
now i only go under a little bit and for a little while
then i quickly make it back to the surface, and
tread water
which is better than when
i used to go under and
stay under
but when will i fly?
I know i have wings, i can feel them
sometimes other people even tell me they can see them
Once or twice i’ve even taken off briefly, felt great
then I’m back treading water
Over the years i’ve learned a lot about how to free myself
things i can teach others
if i ever get free myself
I have hope
but when, O Spirit
will the dark
crusty grip
all my unconscious fears and self-judgements
release
and like a great eagle
I will enter into the kingdom
the kingdom of light
love, peace, joy and fulfillment
amin
(written 2/22, Cotati, Ca.)
How hard it is to believe that change is possible
especially how hard to believe that change is possible NOW
both for me and around me
all i can see is what is in front of my eyes now
the life i am living
the world and society i am living in
and yet
one of the primary teachings of the buddha is
CHANGE
Impermanence
why is it harder for me to believe that all this suffering
will pass
easier to believe that things are bad and getting worse
and will continue to get worse
and worse
The pendulum, the yin/yang symbol, and other
mystic teachings
all say
it’s all gonna change
is it easier for me to have nothing to lose
so that i can avoid the pain of losing what is dear to me
so i can scoff and rant
at those holding on
to their precious
transitory
illusions of security?
and what does that say about me
Impermanence, holding on
is suffering
I am suffering
holding on to the protection of
having nothing to lose
because
everybody always loses everything
the teachings say
in order to gain everything
Change is here
Sin, selected poems of Forugh Farrakhzad, translated by Sholeh Wolpe.
After reading some of each book, here is a poem that came out of me
———————
Hafiz and Forugh Farrakhzad Destiny
is a far off thing
but just as close to me
my love
as your lips O my beloved
why have you been so cruel to me?
i have wandered over mountains,
rivers, lakes, oceans,
deserts
braved heat and cold, and still
you withhold yourself from this poor lover’s sight, and yet
I know that you are ever present, with me always
were i only able to know you
How many years of my life? How many days, hours,
How much of my strength, attention, desire, energy
have i given to looking for you?
How many generations of cells of my body
have been born, lived, died
while i wandered to and fro
searching for you
a fool for love
O, my beloved
come to me, i need you, i want you
My body aches for you
my mouth is parched
My desire rises, thinking of you
Come to me please
i beg you
make yourself known to this poor fool for love
Destiny, what is destiny but
the calling of the blood
the calling of the inner essence
to be, to know, to remember
our long lost, constantly sought
eternal orgasm of the soul
union
with, as
the beloved
Amin
|
me and I i am me and
i am I so long as i think even when i think |
Socrates Thalassos 